Wasn’t going to write until after my appointment but as usual, time is always enough even if I never believe it is not. I also wasn’t going to write until later today because honestly I don’t feel like writing but I also don’t want the guilt of not writing. I am on a down cycle.. I am restless, irritated, meloncoly,and very self judging this week take the good with the bad right? Put your big girl pants on and write.
When I am down like this, everything I do or have done seems pointless or even juvenile. My art therapy seems like a ten year old did them. I can’t think of anything inspirational to write to go with them. Yesterday I drew an Angel, she looks perturbed..almost like how dare you waste my time by creating me…the angel is a golden haired version of my self.. time waster. Maybe a podcast? Nope, too much into your head to hear it. Listened to music yesterday.. cried. Watched a show…cried. Then cried again that I was watching a show at 11 a.m.
Weekend plans are starting. I was invited to an event Saturday night. I still haven’t responded. Right now? I don’t want to go but Saturday I may. I can’t commit again, I don’t trust myself. My finger floats above the letter y to text yes but I can’t. Outings other than work have been hard and hurried this week. No joy in conversation with cashier’s just me mumbling thanks and looking at the floor. ” Don’t look at me, I am pointless this week.”
Self judgement is high today. I guess I do have something to talk about at my appointment. Sorry readers, hopefully next week I am cheerier. Until then everyone find your peace and stick with it… I am glad I wrote today.
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