Not sure what I am writing about today but taking an idea from a friend and make this more conversational. I had a doctor appointment yesterday with my psychiatrist, he had increased my mood stabilizer a couple weeks ago and like I said last week my anxiety had been high and still is. As I type this my hands feel all fumbly, this means another bad day of texting. My phone has become a nightmare to me and even this large keyboard is difficult today. Well, he decided I need to start a different pill to go with my lithium, hopefully it works.
Fumbly fingers are bad but what is worse is the waves of panic. Heart flutters, sinking feeling in stomach, flush feeling of face, repeat. I leave for Madison, WI and to tell ya the truth, right now I could not get on a plane. A day from now, I will change my mind again. Last week, I cried the night before about going to the blood lab,

eyeglasses on opened book beside cup of coffee on table
Photo by Oziel Gómez on Pexels.com
large groups are a trigger. The next day I was perfectly fine with it. Driving, talking to people, eating or drinking in front of people all and more causes me great stress.
Sometimes I thing of the serenity prayer, To accept the things I cannot change. Somedays I do give in, cancel plans and become more hermity but I know I can’t live this way forever. Other days I have the courage to change the things I can…I can get through this.
Tonight is one of my favorite holidays..Halloween!!!! Can’t wait to take Adam out trick or treating. my days overall are good with good things in them, I have to remember that even when I am overanxious my life is a miracle and so am I.

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